I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
