hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
