dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
