Umm I'm too high to move.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
