You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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