ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
