I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
