I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
