Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
