Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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