I must be too annoying 4 u.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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