I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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