I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize