threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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