PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
