I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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