He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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