so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
