Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So many bounce houses so little time
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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