you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My ATM looks so different sober.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
