I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
