Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
