Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
