don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
