so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
