i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
