Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
