just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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