i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
