Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
These tits shall not be calmed
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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