that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
