I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
