I must be too annoying 4 u.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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