THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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