You're completely useless in the revolution.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
