I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
