please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
