i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize