Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
