you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I think people are normalizing furries
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
