By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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