just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She even gives head with a lisp.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
