I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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