My friends, they love my intelligence
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I see more hoeing in ur future
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