i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
