How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
