I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
