Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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