somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
