I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize