You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I know her cup size but not her name....
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
