There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
bring money and cleavage
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
