I think i peed on brittanys purse
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
did you just send me my own nude
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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