I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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