does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
