i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
