Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
