Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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