Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Boobs speak an international language.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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