I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
