why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We have so much sex to catch up on
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
