Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Randomize
