I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
