Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
