He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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