there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My pussy is not your playground.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
