I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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