I heard we made out
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
