She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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