Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
