You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
