Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
