I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
did you just send me my own nude
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
