im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize