Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
