Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize