remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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