Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
