dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
